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And if he walked in right now, you'd be like, There is an FBI agent in the room," and he is not wearing any badges or anything but he looks like an FBI agent all the time."That's very sexy! She goes after me because I am the OG of the OC so you are going to see the season where we have really great moments and then all of a sudden, she will turn! And that is where I go like this, like, 'Do you "Oh, it's horrible. But God pushed me up out of bed, and you know…I prayed about it, I journaled about it. "You lost your mom…"I lost Brooks."You lost the man you loved, you lost friends…"Yes, and friendships.
"Very, and he just dresses in a suit impeccably and one of the things on my list was, I want a guy with a suit, you know? When the [ATV] accident happened…I really thought I was going to see my mom. I feel real alone sometimes."Would you say the past year has been your lowest? I don't know if I can ever forgive them for how they treated me."For abandoning you?
To this day, Brooks contends he didn't make up his illness to get more screen time on .
"I would never take my life but I was at the lowest place I had ever been in my life.
I thought was going to heaven and I was at peace with it. "Yeah…I have images in my head of being upstairs in my bed, drawing the drapes, drawing the blinds, having complete silence for days. "It's really hard…so, my relationship now with the new girl, Kelly, is clean and that's what's healthy, having someone who doesn't judge you, [who isn't] saying, 'What did you know about Brooks?
I was in so much pain and I was aware that we were rolling but I was really like, ‘Mom I'm coming home.' Cause my life's been hard the last year and I raised two great kids. Not getting up to eat, nothing, because I was so…I didn't know how I was going to make it. ' I don't want to talk about Brooks anymore and I'm really attempting to start a good friendship with Kelly and bring her into a really hard group of girls, a really hard group.
"[She takes a deep breath] Well, there are a lot of emotions that have happened after he left me. I would have thought that they would have said, 'You know what Vicki, if he's lying or not lying, we still love you.' There would be no reason for me to lie. I am not going to be like Tamra [Judge] and go out and do detective work on someone that I am sleeping with and loving…The truth will always come out one way or the other so…I just loved him. I mean, I do believe he was sick, nobody can lose the amount of weight that he did.
It was actually August 4th of last year when everything was starting to tumble around. I haven't seen him since the day that he pulled out of the drive way and I was just in shock like, 'What is going on? ' and he was like, 'You are never going to know, you don't deserve to know because you are going to share it with the cast.'"Here we are, almost a year later. Nobody can throw up and have fevers the way that he did. I saw the bills of all of these supplements he was taking. In a normal situation, if you were sick, or your boyfriend or a family member, would you ask them for medical records? That is where it started crossing the line and I think that is where he pulled back and said I am not sharing anything with you."I didn't think you were going to return this season."I didn't either. And I went in knowing that it was going to get a little bumpy, but I have been on this show for 10 years and this is my 11th season.